Thursday, August 14, 2008

The Destructive Phase of Obsessive Love.



What is 'Obsessive Love'?

Obsessive love is a form of love where one person is emotionally obsessed with another.

Moore, Forward and Buck believe that rejection is the trigger of obsessive love - also known as love addiction or relationship addiction. They state four conditions to help identify it, namely, a painful and all-consuming preoccupation with a real or wished-for lover, an insatiable longing either to possess or be possessed by the target of their obsession, rejection by or physical and/or emotional unavailability of their target, and being driven to behave in self-defeating ways by this rejection or unavailability.

Two characteristics indicative of obsessive love are:

1. Obsessive lovers believe that only the person they fixate on can make them feel happy and fulfilled.

2. Persons close to the love-obsessed can also be greatly affected. Witnessing a friend or family member suffer from the disorder can be distressing.


Destructive phase of "Obsessive Love"

This is the final phase of Obsessive Relational Progression. It represents the destruction of the relationship, due to phase three behaviors, which have caused a love interest to understandably flee. For a variety of reasons, this is considered the most dangerous of the four phases, because the RD person suddenly plummets into a deep depression due to the collapse of the relationship. Here are some of the more common behaviors that are exhibited during phase four of ORP:

1. Overwhelming feelings of depression (feeling "empty" inside).
2. A sudden loss of self-esteem, due to the collapse of the relationship.
3. Extreme feelings of self-blame and at times, self-hatred.
4. Anger, rage and a desire to seek revenge against a love interest for breaking off the relationship.
5. Denial that the relationship has ended and attempting to "win a loved one back" by making promises to "change".
6. The use of drugs, alcohol, food or sex to "medicate" the emotional pain.

Moore, John D (2006) "Confusing Love with Obsession: When Being in Love Means Being in Control"

Hodgkinson, Liz (1991) "Obsessive Love. How to Free Your Emotions and Live Again."

Forward, S. & Buck, C. (1991) "Obsessive Love. When It Hurts Too Much To Let Go." Source




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